He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
