I wish my penis had an off switch
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
