I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
