So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
