She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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