According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
