Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
