Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My bed smells like the plague
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
