upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
