Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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