You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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