I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
