dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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