the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
