One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
