i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
