you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
