One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
love makes seman taste better
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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