i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
