So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
