Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
