my phone needs a breathalizer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
