I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
