so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Two words: blizzard sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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