I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
