Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You smell like stripper and shame
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
