im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
