Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
