Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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