He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
