I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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