That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
