I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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