this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
