chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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