So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
