i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
