thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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