I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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