I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
