cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ttyl tear gas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
