I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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