If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
