I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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