I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
