if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
