I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
