I wish they made helmets for livers.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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