Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't deserve a penis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
