Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
