Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
